I am writing my blog at the end of my first week post fourth chemo. I don't know what they put in the fourth one but I have felt pretty low for most of the week.
I'm so lucky that I have never suffered from nausea nor have I had the mouth ulcers and above all I STILL HAVE MY HAIR. WHOOP! WHOOP!
My lovely friend Donna has nicknamed me Spiky Star Trooper which I kind of like.
What I find hard is the tiredness ~ what used to take me half an hour can now take me two hours and then I have to sleep for a further two hours.
No two days are the same and I cannot plan ahead as I don't know how I am gonig to feel until I wake up.
Whilst the community around me is fantastic and has wrapped me up in a duvet of Love which I find humbling and awesome at the same time~ I feel out of touch with life.
It is as if I am in a bubble and I know I have to get through this and then dip my toe in to the sea that is life....It is as if I am looking at everything through a looking glass~ I can see it all but I am removed from it all...it is difficult to put into words.
My husband John is wonderful ~ like me his routine changed overnight and suddenly he found himself as chief dog walker~ he has risen to the challenge brilliantly and it has brought him closer to my boys which is another blessing brought to me by cancer.
Not being able to walk Barney and Star is a physical ache~ I do training at home and they are so patient with me.
Yes I can go out on walks with John and Audrey but it is not the same as walking out with them on my own~ that was my thinking time my unwind time and a major part of my life.
I just focus on that first walk when we step out together again~ Team Moon faces the world ready for action~ just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes but I know it is not far away... slowly but surely I am gathering my strength.
I miss my work too ~ that is something I yearn to get back to but it will happen and is not too far away~ it is on the horizon and by early Fall I hope to return ~ Work is something that defines me but I will be working in a different way and a better way....another blessing from getting cancer.
Yes I get frustrated but I can honestly say I find his time in my life has given me the time to STOP ( I had no choice) and look at my life and who and what is important.
Not many people get that opportunity and I am already a different person to the one I was three months ago.
My friends and neighbours have been outstanding in their support and John has been my rock and anchor~ steadily guiding me through the scariest time of my life.
He is the one that will remind me of how far I have come on my recovery route...from when I couldn't get out of the car to go to radiotherapy and the nurses had to get a trolley to now walking upright without crutches and being able to drive again...so yes I'm getting there I just want to break out of my bubble and live my life again.